Chronic illness is just that, chronic. It’s there all the time, it never goes away. I don’t have a cold that will last a week and then I’ll be better. I will always be sick, and I have to accept that. The people around me, however, don’t. I’ve learned to forgive those who couldn’t understand it and left. And for those who have stuck around, I am forever grateful. There are so many times that I just can’t make it to parties that I wish I could be at, or that I have to cancel on a friend for the third time in a row, despite how much I miss them and would give anything to feel well enough to go. But every day I wake up with a certain number of “spoons” my body has decided to give me that day, and that’s all I have before my legs lose all feeling and I collapse to the ground from my POTS.
There are days when I am too weak to even pick up the phone and text the people I care about back, and I often feel sad and guilty because of it. But on as many days as I can, I always try my best to save a few spoons for the people I love. Even if that means just one spoon to watch a movie with my best friend or my incredibly supportive boyfriend. We can’t always be perfectly healthy and be able to do everything we want to do with the people we care about, and we may always have less spoons then people without a chronic illness, but maybe (I hope) sometimes just letting our loved ones know that we saved a spoon just for them, is enough.
With great love,